Friday, January 15, 2010

torn


As the darkness entered this room, I feel so cold and torn, I can’t hold my breath and I don’t want to release my tears, but, seems like there drops of rain rushing to flow inside my heart down to my soul. It was all started last night, partly midnight…I’ve decided to end the relationship with the one I love…although the feelings still burning inside me, keeping me alive and still giving me the reason to love him. I don’t know why, I know that in my part there were no legal reason to end it, and in his part also, I still decided to end it. I know the culpability is mine, and I take the responsibility to suffer. It hurts me a lot, much to him…but I know deep inside my heart that if time and fate still choose us to be part of each lives someday, they will surely make a move to take the Venus to mars. At this very moment of time, im hurt but I know someday, sometime, maybe these things will lead us to a better one.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

patch


Moody and gloomy
Is what he always defines me.
I wonder how far he knows all about my story
Coz in every word I say, smiling is what he pay.

Rugged and funny
Yet, romantic in his own way.
Bliss is what I felt every time were together,
Truly I found myself in him till it meets forever.

Smart and unsoiled
Is what he always thinks of me,
No wonder he cant read and comprehend my mind
What he choose to see is purely blind.

Psychotic – neurotic
Coz he’s mind always play
But deep within his self, I found some serenity
Foolishness this sound maybe,
but he’s everything I pray.

fine but naïve
ghastly and chaotic
attitudes don’t go in same way
but that makes us happy and gay.

my insecurity


In this lonely and dim room
I found myself recalling the past,
Chilling in a space and doom
That even time don’t know when it would last

Dominated by lots of fears
Lingering in many reasons.
Tasting my own cast of tears,
Of that memoires of insecurities

Choices lay in front of me
But I don’t really know which way,
I knelt down and pray,
Because no air can blow this pain away

My mind tells me to stop,
My body wants to flap!
The sound of silence keeps on beating
And in cold white blocks I’m burning.

A moment passed and I’m fainting
In a kismet of light I’m fading
He killed me,
My insecurity.

it's safe not to tell


This past few days, I’ve done so many crazy things that I cannot imagine I could have done it. I was too down coz I’m in search of my missing self and soul. yearning inside my heart for affirmation. I was so addictive, a happiness finder (I always reminding myself not to search my own happiness, it was a desire, I don’t deserve it!) and at a moment I found an escape, an escape I never thought I could do it even in my wildest dreams. It started on new years eve, everyone was so busy having a great time with the people they loved most, greetings, hugs, kisses are all around them (including me), but in a bit of a second when all the fireworks and sounds of happiness gone, I found myself doing so crazy things I never thought I could (I don’t want to mention what it is..Hehehe (it’s not your secret to share)), but in my part, no regrets, I’ve done it and I know I’m the one who is accountable in my own actions. I did an irrevocable mistake but I have gained a great lesson afterwards, I do these crazy stuffs, illogical and unreasonable things. I did it for myself and not for others, and I don’t care if others may know all about it, besides who can tell my own story better than me, I am the one who knows the whole story of my life, no one could just simply write a book and publish their own bible if they don’t know what are the foundation of making it. I just hope that what I did will be my failure in forward way.